Friend or Foe?

            When I decided to start a blog I knew it was going to incorporate many of the things I love to do.  I knew I would have entries that would be simple and I also knew I would, every now and then post entries that are more personal and deep.  I’ve never been the type to keep a diary.  I’ve had many attempts but they never fully helped me.  What I always had were confidants, people in my life that I was able to talk to about life.  I guess you could say I had human diaries.  Friendship is a very important entity to have in life.  Friendship is a universal relationship.  It has the ability to be formed between strangers as well as between other forms of relationships (i.e., cousins).  There are many positives that I could mention regarding friendship but unfortunately this post is not about all the positives. 

            I recently experienced a trimming of people in my life.  It happens to the most of us throughout life.  As we grow older we change and with that change the people in your life can change.  It does not cause me too much turmoil but it does bring some thoughts up.  My greatest question regarding this type of situation is how do people identify when it is time to let friendships go? How have I changed in regards to how I am a friend to others?  These questions are not easily answered but what I do know is it takes a lot for a person like me to decide to trim or “cut” a person from my life.  It is especially difficult when it wasn’t necessarily my choice. 

            I think about how I want my future to look.  How I want to teach my future children about friendship.  You can’t continuously try to maintain a friendship if you are the only person trying.  For a person like me who grew up with one sibling and a whole lot of extended family finding friends was never difficult.  I still have amazing relationships with a handful of childhood friends and even greater relationships with a group of girls from high school so I am not bitter for the ones I have lost but I am saddened.  There comes a time when you have to let the other person involved decide how they want the friendship to turn out.  I mean these people were not simple acquaintances, they were close friends but I am only human and I am very vocal in my thoughts and feelings and sometimes others cannot handle the truth. 

            Do I miss specific individuals? Absolutely! Do I feel they care that there is no longer a friendship? No I do not.  How has this affected my life? In great ways but I have learned not to dwell on what’s missing. Instead I have my memories of the time we did share.  This in a sense has helped me grow into a better person and a better friend.  I decided long ago that people are meant to cross paths because they are supposed to teach you something.  I have a friend who has taught me to forgive as well as a friend who has taught me to fight.  I have a friend who teaches me all the time that I cannot do everything for everyone all the time.  Without these individuals I would not be the person I am today.  I feel I trimmed specific individuals from my life because they were not teaching me anything positive.  I was becoming angry and frustrated and it would make me be negative on my outlook and that is not the type of person I am. 

            I try with all of my might to be there for the people around me when they need me and I’ve come to learn that those individuals who are meant to be a part of my life are those who are willing to be there for me as well.  I do not need a hundred friends I only need those individuals around me who truly love me for who I am.  I need individuals who participate in my life and not just call me when they are having their own drama.  People can be toxic and I am so glad for the choices I have made because I feel those choices have brought me to a place where I can see a bright future and it has made me a goal oriented person who strives for greatness.

            Friendship is amazing and universal as long as those involved feel like equal parts.  I am so grateful for my friends and I couldn’t have asked for better!  You know who you are!! Thank you for allowing me to share your life and be a part of your families.  I only pray for good for old friends because in the end there is no ill will towards another human being in my mind, body or soul.  May life be full, happy and satisfying.